


I loved you then, I love you now

by orphan_account



Series: Tales From The Gaypex Legends Discord [1]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesia AU, Angst, Canon Non-Binary Character, Memory Loss, Not my original idea but something we were talking about on discord that i needed to write angst for, Other, Past Character Death, i cri evry teim, i live for the angst okay, miragehound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-10-05 19:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20494094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bloodhound stayed silent, staring at the names of their companion's fallen siblings. They, of course, knew Elliott’s brother’s names, having known the man long enough for him to open up a bit about his past and share about his family.But it was something else that caught their attention, another name that looked and sounded eerily familiar. It left them with an odd sinking feeling in their chest as the hunter reached out and ran their gloved fingers over the name etched in stone.“Who is this…”.





	1. I loved you then, I love you now

**Author's Note:**

> basically based off this comic: https://pinguinmitbrille.tumblr.com/post/185614995588/look-i-have-this-very-elaborate-hc-that-mirage

“Elliott... what is this place?” Bloodhound asked, looking around the small park-like area as an uncomfortable feeling settled deep in their gut. They’d never been to this place before, never traveling very far into the city but… it felt… _ familiar _ somehow _ . _

The trickster didn’t respond at first, walking numbly along the footpath with his eyes glued to the floor, seeming deep in thought.

“Elliott,” they said again.

Still no response.

“Félagi…” the hunter said, this time tapping the man on the shoulder.

He jumped slightly and blinked a few times, “Huh?”.

They’d never seen him like this before, looking so distraught and lost, it worried them.

“What is this place?”.

The man sighed softly, letting out an almost pained chuckled as he paused in front of a large stone wall with many names etched into it. “Uh... it's, it's a memorial for where... where my brother's died. My brothers and.. Um, I just… I didn’t want to go here alone, you know? I really don't know why I brought you here, maybe this was a mistake…”.

Bloodhound stayed silent, staring at the names of their companion's fallen siblings. They, of course, knew Elliott’s brother’s names, having known the man long enough for him to open up a bit about his past and share about his family.

But it was something else that caught their attention, another name that looked and sounded eerily familiar. It left them with an odd sinking feeling in their chest as the hunter reached out and ran their gloved fingers over the name etched in stone.

“Who is this…”.

Elliott remained silent.

“Elliott, who is this?” they said again, more sternly this time.

“T- That… that was my… p- partner. From before the war,”.

Bloodhound’s eyes widened slightly as they turned to face him, “...Partner?”.

He nodded, “Yeah… hard to believe I was married, huh?”.

_ Married? _

The sinking feeling worsened in their chest.

“It wasn’t for long though, just a few months. Then um…” his voice trailed off, caught between a laugh and a sob, “Then the accident happened! And everything went to shit!”.

Stray tears began streaming down his scarred face.

“...elskan,”.

“I watched it happen you know, I watched them all die,”.

They took a small, shy step towards him, unsure of what to do, “I- I’m… I’m so sorry,”.

“Don’t… don’t apologize, please. I’m so tired of hearing people say they’re sorry for shit that wasn’t their fault… nobody knew it was going to happen,”.

Bloodhound nodded and took a shaking breath, not used to helping others when they were as emotionally distressed as Elliott but still… his pain and sorrow all felt…_ familiar. _

“What… happened… if I may ask?”.

The reply came more easily than they’d expected, almost as if Elliott had been practicing it for years… perhaps he had. “Sinkhole. This place was going to be a settlement but it was built over some mines and… well,”.

“...It collapsed,”.

“Yeah… everyone got swallowed up, just like that,” he said, snapping his fingers for emphasis, “For the past 11 years, I’ve been hoping that they were just MIA, but... their names wouldn’t be on here if that were the case”.

Bloodhound took another step closer, this time lying a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder. They could feel their heart thudding in their chest as they spoke, “Your partner… what, what were they like?”.

Elliott whimpered slightly in response, “What does it matter… they’re dead, they aren’t coming back,”.

The hunter felt like they couldn’t breathe, the feeling in their chest growing worse the more they learned. “Elliott, there is a reason I do not talk about my past…”.

The statement seemed to catch him off guard for a moment, “Hound, you don't have to tell me about your past just because I had a breakdown and dropped some major drama bombs on you. It’s okay,”.

“I don’t think you understand. The reason I refrain from talking about my past is because… I don’t know it,”.

Elliott’s tears ceased, his expression replaced with utter confusion, “... wait, what?”.

“Many years ago,” they said, pulling away and once again tracing their fingers over the mysterious name, “I awoke injured, with no memory of who I was before that moment. There was a hospital, many others were there, soldiers, I believe, returning from a sour battle. Many injured, many dead,”.

They had his attention now.

“_ þú getur ekki sagt neinum hvað gerðist hér, _we were told… ‘You can't tell anyone what happened here’,” They said, struggling to recall the hazy events from nearly a decade ago, “But I never knew what had happened to cause such a catastrophe, it did not concern me enough to find out,”.

“...You had amnesia? You _ still _ have amnesia?”.

“Já, the damage done to me was severe, from what I understood. It is why I was given this mask, to help me breathe,”.

“So… you really can't breathe without it?” Elliott asked, a bit of concern coating his words.

“I can, but it is… difficult. Elliott, that is not the reason I’m telling you this, do you understand what I am trying to say?”.

The man just stared at them, “You’re trying to be relatable, right? You got hurt, probably lost people too and-”.

“Elskan…”.

He paused, Bloodhound seeing a small shiver pass through him, “...Yeah,”.

It felt as if their heart was going to burst out of their chest at any moment, the hunter’s hands now trembling slightly as they took a step back and grabbed the edges of their mask, tugging upwards.

Elliott jumped into action, immediately trying to stop them from revealing themselves in public. “Are you fucking insane?! What are you doing, why are you taking off your mask, you just told me that you can't breathe without it!”.

As gently as they could, the hunter pushed him away, not needing a reason to back down now, not now. “Please,” they begged, “Trust me, elskan,”.

The mask was already off by the time the Elliott had recovered enough to try a second attempt, his eyes wide as he was met with the true face of the fearsome Blóðhundur. “H- Hound?” he muttered, shock and fear coating his words.

They didn’t dare open their eyes, desperate to stop the panic rising up in their chest as they heard the man step closer to him. They couldn’t remember the last time they took their mask off in the company of others, in front of someone they trusted… if such a thing even happened, trust was difficult for them.

“Elliott,” the hunter breathed again, their voice unfiltered and unmodified… they sounded so small and frightened, unlike their usual intimidating persona.

He didn’t say anything, and Bloodhound could _ feel _ him standing inches away, they could feel as his hand reached up and cupped the side of their face, thumb running gently over the many scars they’d accumulated over the years. They could feel him trembling, the could hear the unsteady rhythm of his breath as he just stared at them.

“...Eirik,”.

They gasped slightly, choking on a sob of their own. It was so familiar, that name… his touch… everything. The hunter reached up, pressing their hand over Elliott’s as tears slipped from their still closed eyes, melting into his touch. “Ég skil ekki hvað er að gerast,” they whimpered, “I don’t understand”.

“Shh, I’m right here, it’s okay, just… open your eyes… please,” he continued in a soft comforting tone, “You’re safe,”.

_ Safe… _

_ I am safe. _

Bloodhound took another shaking breath, feeling as Elliott wiped away their tears… gods he was so gentle with them. They timidly cracked their eyes open, wincing at the bright light that filtered through. Colors… so many colors, they’d almost forgot how beautiful they were.

Large brown eyes met theirs, followed by a warm, gentle smile.

A smile they’d fallen in love with…

…. Just like they did so many years ago.

“Elliott…”.

The man just stared at them, holding their face in his hands, “Y-... you…. You’re alive,”.

_ Their jump pack failed, they tried to rescue their brethren, they… _

“You’re alive…” he said again, “You’re alive,”.

Bloodhound shook their head, they didn’t know… there was so much they didn’t know.

“I- I… I’m-”.

_ -Woke up in the hospital, surrounded by their surviving brethren, they were injured… they… _

“I don’t…”.

_ -Had a whole life before then… a family... a lover. _

So why couldn’t they remember?

The hunter shook their head, eyes scanning the man’s face as they too reached up and placed a hand on his face, “Ég veit ekki hver ég var áður, allt sem ég veit er hver ég er núna,” they said, “But either way… Ég veit að ég elska þig”. (I don't know who I was before, all I know is who I am now / I know I love you)

They didn’t know who they were, or what kind of life they lead before the accident, all they knew was that they loved Elliott Witt.

With little hesitation, Bloodhound leaned in and pressed their chapped lip against Elliott’s, feeling as the man stiffened slightly in beneath their touch. But only for a moment, once he realized what they were doing, he melted into the kiss.

They missed this…

After a moment, the hunter pulled away, struggling slightly for breath.

“You okay? Do you need your mask?” Elliott asked, sounding breathless.

“I’m… I’m fine, elskan,” they whispered, a light chuckle accompanying their words, “Still leave me breathless,”.

The man returned the chuckled, pressing his forehead against theirs with a shaking sigh. “Do… do you remember, anything from… from before?”.

Bloodhound hesitated for a moment before sighing themselves, “There are pieces I remember, fragments of a past life but…”.

“Not enough to remember who you were… right?”.

The hunter nodded.

“I’m not sure I can be the person you remember, but all I know is this…” they said, running their thumb against his jawline before leaning in a pressing a gentle kiss against his lips, “_ I loved you then, and I love you now,”. _


	2. Till Death Do Us Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little bit all over the place as I struggled to get this chapter out. The ending is a little abrupt, I know... but I do plan on a third installment that will continue with what happened afterward, so stay tuned!

_ “Promise me you’ll come back safe,” Elliott said, holding onto them tightly as tears streamed down his face, “Promise me you won't try and be a hero and get yourself killed,”. _

_ Eirik knew it wasn’t a promise they could make, they knew what the risks of joining the Militia were, they knew what they risked leaving behind the second they stepped foot on the airship that would take them to a whole new world. But for their partner, the man that they so deeply loved, they were more than willing to practice a bit more caution while deployed. _

_ “Of course, ástin mín,” they said, pulling away and gently pressing their forehead against Elliott’s, “But you have nothing to fear, I will return to you. I swear it on my life,”. _

_ The man chuckled a bit and sniffled, “You better… we have a honeymoon to attend to,”. _

_ “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Eirik replied, placing a small kiss on his nose, “We will be reunited soon enough, you won’t have to wait long,”. _

_ “But you’re going to be gone for a year… an entire year,”. _

_ It would be the longest they’d spend apart, and they hated the thought of Elliott being alone for that amount of time. Of course, he had his mother there with him (his three brothers joining them on the mission) but still… they couldn’t shake the worry that settled in their chest. _

_ “I’ll be home before you know it, ég lofa. I promise you,”. _

_ “Huh, ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ and all that shit, right?” he mused lightheartedly, “I’m still going to miss you like crazy, Eirik, kinda hard to imagine living when you aren’t there with me,”. _

_ They felt their heartbeat spike suddenly in their chest. “Don’t say such things… “ they said, a small bite to their voice as they reached up and cupped their partner’s head in their hands, “I am always going to be with you, elskan, even if you cannot see me, I am with you,”. _

_ Elliott smiled, melting into their touch with a soft sigh, “God, I love you… you have no fucking idea how much I love you,”. _

_ Eirik smiled back, running their thumb over his cheek, “Then it is a good thing I have my whole life to find out,”. _

_ Tears filled his eyes again as they said this, a shaky laugh escaping his lips, “I still can't believe we’re married, we got married! We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together...”. _

_ They giggled softly and pressed a loving kiss against his lips, “Það er heiður, elskan mín, að vera elskaður af þér,”. (It is an honor, my dear, to be loved by you). _

_ “One of these days I’ll figure out what the hell you’re saying to me,” he replied warmly, “You’re probably talking about how hot my ass is,”. _

_ Eirik snorted and rolled their eyes, “When I return, I will teach you my language, and you can find out for yourself,”. _

_ “I’m going to hold you to that,”. _

_ The couple had a few moments of silence before a voice rang out over the intercoms, alerting all personnel that the last airship was ready to take off, the one that would take them far away from their lover. Elliott’s grip tightened before they even moved, knowing that the voice meant they had to say proper goodbyes now.  _

_ “Don’t go,” he begged, “Please… I don’t want you to leave”. _

_ Their heart clenched in their chest upon hearing how scared and desperate he sounded, wishing there was something they could do to comfort him, but Eirik knew that they couldn’t abandon their duty, even for the love of their life.  _

_ “I know,” they whispered, “I know, ástin mín, but we’ve been over this, you know I must go,”. _

_ “It’s just… with all that shit going on with the IMC, it’s hard not to think about bad things happening. It freaks me out enough that my brothers are getting deployed too, even if you guys aren’t seeing active duty,”. _

_ “We will protect each other, Elliott. We’re stationed nowhere near the enemy; I assure you, your brothers and I will stay safe, you have my word,”. _

_ “I know, I know… but,” he whimpered slightly, trying to hide it behind a chuckle, “I don’t want to lose you, Eirik,”. _

_ “You won't, you will never lose me, elskan,” Eirik said, struggling to hold back the tears that filled their own eyes as they wrapped their arms tightly around him, “When I reach the surface, I will contact you so you don’t have to worry anymore,”. _

_ He chuckled dryly again and hugged them back, burying his face in their uniform, “I- It’s going to take a lot more than that to make me not worry. I’m basically the  _ king  _ of worrying, but… I believe you, I- I’ll try not to worry so much,”. _

_ “That’s my Elliott, þú munt vera í lagi,” they said with an unsteady sigh, whispering the last part more to themselves, “You’ll be fine,”. _

_ They really,  _ really _ hoped that was true. _

_ Eventually, Eirik pulled away… the sound of a less-than-pleased commanding officer ordering them to say goodbye and board the ship, cutting through their tender moment. “I have to go now,” they said, dragging a sleeve across their face, “I can’t stay any longer,”. _

_ “I know…” Elliott replied, fighting back tears as he struggled to keep his composure. _

_ It broke their heart. _

_ “I love you,”. _

_ “I love you more,”. _

_ “Minervason! Get your ass on the ship, now!” called the officer again. _

_ They were almost out of time. _

_ “I'll be back,” they promised, taking a few reluctant steps back, “I swear to you, I’ll come home,”. _

_ “You better, cause I want this back,” the man said, sliding a photograph into the palm of their hand before they were out of reach, “It’s my favorite picture of us… first one we took together after making it official,”. _

_ “Elliott…”. _

_ “Just… keep it safe for me, yeah?” he continued, emotions slowly creeping up on his words again, “And keep yourself safe,”. _

_ Eirik nodded, tears filling their eyes as they ran up to their partner, smashing their lips together in one final goodbye kiss, “Þú ert of góður við mig… I don’t deserve you,”. _

_ “You deserve  _ everything _ , Eirik. Now go on before Sargent Dickhead over there rips you a new one,”. _

_ They laughed despite the tears that stained their cheeks, sliding the photo into their uniform pocket before finally running towards the airship, the officer giving them a knowing grin. _

_ “You’ll see him again, kid,” he said reassuringly, “It’s not like its the end of the world,”. _

_ They smiled, watching as the bay doors slowly closed… giving them one last glimpse at their former life before everything changed. _

* * *

Bloodhound woke with a violent start, barely able to hold back the scream that tried to escape their throat as memories of someone else’s life raced through their dreams. “ _ ó fjandinn, fjandinn!!” _ they hissed in their native tongue, heart beating wildly in their chest, “ _ Hættu að örvænta… Hættu að örvænta! _ ”. (Oh, fuck, fuck! Stop panicking...Stop panicking!)

The hunter had had dreams like that in the past, but never in such detail. It almost felt real, like they were actually there, standing in an airfield with Elliott. But now, with what they learned about their past with said trickster, it was more than possible that maybe at one point in their life... they actually were. 

Their breathing was heavy and erratic as they stumbled out of bed, nearly falling to the ground as they scrambled across the room, grabbing onto anything that would support them. Bloodhound had dealt with panic attacks before, shocking as it may seem, and knew how to handle them without anyone’s help. But an anxiousness they had not felt before resided in their chest, putting them far more on edge than they ever had been before.

They managed to grab hold of their mask before the panic took over, pressing the mouthpiece over their face as they greedily took in long, sharp deep breaths, air filling their screaming lungs. “You are fine,” the hunter breathed shakily, gathering their bearings as they looked around their bleak little apartment, “You are home,”.

Were they though?

Was this even their home planet?

There was still so much they didn’t know, memories of the first twenty-some-odd years of their life trapped behind a foggy haze. Years worth of memories and experiences that they wondered if they’d ever get back...

Arthur squawked loudly from across the room as they gentle settled themselves to the floor, their panicked movements most likely waking the bird from his sleep. “Calm yourself, félagi,” Bloodhound muttered, slipping the rest of the mask over their head with an exhausted sigh, “I’m fine now,”.

But… deep down, they knew they weren’t.

Not in the slightest.

“ _ Fuck… _ ”.

The raven, seeming to sense their distress, hopped off his perch and fluttered over to them, landing carefully on the hunter’s knee. He pecked gently at their mask again and squawked a few times until he caught their attention, staring at them with small beady little eyes.

“Do not look at me like that,” they chuckled dryly, rubbing the creature’s soft downy feathers, “I don’t need help… I- I am fine,”.

The bird just continued to stare at them, unconvinced.

Bloodhound stared back, “It is late, he’s most likely asleep by now. Eftir dag í dag efast ég um að hann hafi orku til að tala við mig,”. (After this day I doubt he has the energy to talk to me).

The hunter would be lying if they said it didn’t worry them that Elliott might not want to speak anymore, especially after learning that they were, in fact, his former partner from years prior, from a life they had no recollection of. It was a lot to handle… something Bloodhound themselves wasn’t handling very well at all. 

They’d always prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and what they wanted out of life, but now… if felt as if everything they’d built up was crashing to the ground.

Arthur squawked again and nipped at their fingers, drawing them out of their momentary thoughts.

“I don’t wish to bother him, he has enough to deal with already. Elliott needs no more burdens today”.

The bird continued to caw and preen himself.

“Ég er að biðja fugl um ráð, ég held að ég hafi loksins misst hann,” Bloodhound said to themselves with a gentle laugh, patting the bird once more before carefully standing up off the ground, legs still trembling slightly with anxiety. (I'm asking a bird for advice, I think I've finally lost it).

They knew that they’d eventually have to see Elliott again, they  _ wanted _ to see him again, there was absolutely no doubting that fact. So, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if they decided to pay him a visit, even if it was in the middle of the night, besides… the trickster was the only one they could talk to about the ordeal, he was the only one they could trust.

Elliott was the only one they trusted.

With a shaky breath, Bloodhound placed Arthur on their shoulder as they clumsily made their way through their apartment, throwing on anything that would hide their true form, even though they had a feeling Elliott already knew exactly what they looked like. But still, they didn’t want to risk being seen by anyone else, the nightwear they were wearing covering most of their exposed skin, aside from a small patch around their neck where the mask connected to their uniform.

“It will be okay,” the hunter told themselves, trying to calm their breathing as they hesitantly opened the door, stepping outside with arms wrapped protectively around themselves, “Hann mun vita hvernig á að hjálpa,”. (He will know how to help)

The hallways were barren and dark, void of any signs of life for the time being. Most nights, Bloodhound was the only one awake at odd hours such as this, preferring the quiet emptiness of the housing complex to walk around and gather their thoughts, but now… they felt oddly lonely. They weren’t used to such an emotion, never really feeling the need to surround themselves with other people, friends, and associates, that is… until they met Elliott.

Everything changed when they met Elliott.

For better… and for worse.

With a shaky sigh, the hunter continued their way to the trickster’s apartment, trying to focus on something other than the uncertainty that settled deep in their chest. His room was a floor above theirs, close enough that it was a welcomed convenience considering just how often they found themselves hanging out with Elliott, their relationship with the trickster before this point always edging on something  _ more _ than just friends, but never going anywhere further than that.

Bloodhound hoped that… perhaps, maybe if he was willing… they could continue on as what they were before the  _ accident. _

Allfather knows that their feelings towards the man haven't changed.

_ “Huh, ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ and all that shit, right?”. _

They smiled bitterly at the foggy memory as they continued to walk slowly up the stairs, careful not to let the small charms in their helmet cause any more noise, Arthur’s soft churring making them wary of their surroundings. The last thing they wanted was to get caught sneaking off to see Elliott, the other Legends, not to mention the  _ media _ , were already suspicious of the nature of their relationship… whatever it was.

Fraternizing with squadmates (or rivals in some cases) wasn’t exactly allowed, but what the showrunners didn't know couldn’t hurt them. Besides, as far as they knew, Bloodhound was still  _ married _ to Elliott.

And oddly enough, they were rather content with that sentiment.

“Við munum vera í lagi einu sinni enn,” the hunter whispered, praying that the gods could hear their plea, “Vinsamlegast láttu okkur vera í lagi aftur,”. (We'll be fine once more / Please let us be okay again).

When they reached Elliott’s apartment, Bloodhound sighed unevenly, clenching their hand into a fist in the hopes of stopping the trembling. All they needed to do was knock on the door, a simple task for anyone, especially them. But still, they hesitated, Arthur cawing softly in confusion when they pulled their hand back at the last second and let out a silent cuss under their breath.

_ What are you doing?  _ The voice in their head scolded,  _ You are a fool, if you let him see you like this, he will think you are weak… _

They knew that wasn’t true, they weren’t weak, they were far from it in fact, but the small voice of doubt in their head was hard to ignore. They’d lived with it for years and had learned to trust in it, trust their instincts of self-preservation… but ironically, they were now beginning to doubt their doubts.

The hunter wasn’t used to self-doubt like this...

_ He knows you too well already,  _ The voice continued, _ how do you know he is not simply trying to discover your weaknesses and use them against you? _

“Elliott will help me,” Bloodhound hissed, trying to chase that thought out of their head, “He… he would not do such a thing, I trust him”.

_ How do you trust someone who knows you better than you know yourself? _

“He will help” the hunter repeated, “I know he will,”.

_ But you are not the person he thinks you are… _

They shut their eyes tightly, taking a slow, trembling breath.

“Who I am and who I was does not matter now,” they exhaled, “... He… he  _ loves _ me all the same, and I love him”.

The voice didn’t respond to that statement, much to Bloodhound’s utter relief, sighing again and rubbing Arthur under the chin once more before finally,  _ finally  _ building up the courage to reach up and knock on the door. 

At first, the hunter couldn’t hear any movement from within the apartment, the soft din of a TV echoing dully in the background meaning that Elliott had most likely fallen asleep watching re-runs of the games again. They’d thought about perhaps calling him, but considering the reason for their sudden visit, Bloodhound felt it was best to explain the situation to their friend...  _ partner? _ face to face.

“Elskan,” they whispered, knocking once more in the hopes that the trickster could hear them, “Elliott, are you awake?”.

The answer seemed to be ‘no’ but after a few more attempts, they could hear the sound of familiar footsteps slowly beginning to approach the door, the man most likely hearing the conversation they’d just had with themselves. The hunter stiffened up slightly, checking themselves up and down once more to make sure they looked decent and not a total wreck.

A moment or two passed before the door slowly creaked open, a very tired and confused Elliott standing behind it. “Bloodhound? Shit… what time is it,” he yawned, rubbing away the dark circles that formed under his eyes, “Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m always exict… exidet- excid…  _ happy... _ to see you, but… what the hell are you doing here so late?”.

Bloodhound opened their mouth to answer him, but no words left their lips, a heavy silence hanging around the two legends. The man stared at them for a second, concern growing on his face, even Arthur gave them an odd look. 

“Uh, you okay there, buddy?”.

They blinked beneath their mask and shook their head, struggling to say something…  _ anything, _ but words continued to evade them. All the hunter managed to do was whimper slightly, making them feel even more pathetic and weak than they already were.

Elliott took a careful step forward and reached his hand out to them, clearly worried by their lack of response. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said calmly, “I’m here now, just take a deep breath alright?”.

Bloodhound took in a trembling breath and timidly grabbed onto the man’s hand, intertwining their fingers together as they tried desperately to let his reassuring words comfort them, but to no avail.

“You’re shaking...”.

The hunter could only chuckle bitterly at his statement, the sound coming off more like a broken sob, “Really? I- I had not noticed...”.

For once, Elliott didn’t laugh at what was clearly a joke, something they hardly ever made. “You know you can talk to me about anything, well, anything you’re comfortable with, right?”, His tone was slightly more serious now, still coated with a sheen of concern, “Did something happen?”.

They hesitated for a moment before nodding again, “...Já, something… something happened. I- I’m sorry that I woke you, but I did not know where else to go,”.

“Hey… don’t apologize. I’m glad you came to me instead of trying to face whatever this is on your own. I'm always more than happy to help,”.

“I know, elskan. But this is… this is not something I think you want to discuss right now,”.

Elliott stiffened up almost immediately, seeming to already know why they were knocking on his door in the middle of the night. “I… I um, I was wondering when you’d want to talk about it, honestly didn’t think it’d be this quick considering you’re all mysterious and closed off ’n shit… um, t- that was rude, sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, “A- anyways, I’m guessing you’re taking all this pretty fucking hard, huh?”.

“ _ That would be an understatement _ ,” Bloodhound muttered softly under their still shaking breath.

The man stayed silent for a moment before sighing, his thumb absently rubbing over their knuckles, “...Do… you wanna talk about… it?”.

They did. They wanted to know what their life was like before the Apex Games existed, before the accident that tore them apart, before they became  _ The Hunter The Gods Have Sent _ . They wanted to know if Elliott himself recalled the event from their dream… but perhaps that was what scared them the most.

Knowing that the life and memories they shared with the man in front of them were gone forever.

“...yes, I believe I would. If- if that is alright with you”.

Elliott sighed softly and nodded, “We’re going to have to talk about it eventually… so best to do it now before it eats us up inside…  _ more than it already has, _ ” he mumbled, pulling away and gesturing back to his apartment, “I’ll put on some tea for us …. *sigh* I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night”.

* * *

“Here ya go, buddy… make yourself comfortable and whatnot,” Elliott mumbled awkwardly, as he handed the hunter a small cup of tea, “And um, s- sorry about the mess, It wasn’t like that this morning, I swear,”.

“It’s fine... thank you,” they replied, taking a small sip of their tea while simultaneously trying to keep Arthur away from the steaming cup, “I appreciate you seeing me so late, I know this isn’t very convenient”.

“No need to apologize, buddy. Trust me, it’s not like I'm going to be able to sleep any time soon, so might as well do something to occupy my time,”.

Bloodhound chuckled dryly and nodded, a sense of worry for the man rising up in their chest. Of course, they knew Elliott had a tendency for hiding what he was feeling, putting on a faux persona to please others and save his own skin… but eventually, all those thoughts and feelings were going to make its way to the surface sooner or later. The hunter knew that better than anyone, having gone through (and was currently going through) the same thing.

They sighed softly as they settled themselves deeper into the couch, struggling to ignore the crumpled up beer cans that surrounded them. They couldn’t exactly blame him for wanting to get drunk, Allfather knew they’d have done the same given the man’s position.

“Elliott… have you been drinking tonight?”.

There was no reply, the man just stiffened up from the seat across from them, a look of what they could only describe a shame spreading across his face.

“Are you drunk?” they continued, already knowing the answer to their previous question.

“I’m definitely not sober, a little buzzed but I’m still coh- coera- coherant… I can still talk. Um, you know aside from the not being able to say big words,”.

“Oh, elskan….”.

“I’m fine, Hound, really. Just….”.

His voice broke slightly, but the trickster continued on anyways.

“... I’m fine. Enough about me right now, how are you holding up?”.

Bloodhound nodded a bit, focusing their vision on the teacup in their hands, “I am better than I was previously ...thank you,”.

“I’m gonna be honest and say I don’t think I’ve ever seen you  _ that _ freaked out before… or,  _ at all _ ,” Elliott said, “What… what happened?”.

“I-...” they began, trying to figure out a way to say that they’d had a nightmare without sounding childish and weak, but… it was the truth, and the hunter wasn’t one for lying to the ones they trusted. “I had an… unsettling dream… about us, I believe. Fyrir slysið… from before the  _ accident, _ ”.

The man stiffened up again.

“You… what?”.

_ You can do this,  _ they told themselves with a trembling sigh, gently setting the cup down on the coffee table in front of them and removing their helmet,  _ you can do this.  _ Elliott was taken aback once more when they looked at him with their true face, a small, shy smile gracing the hunter’s lips.

“When we first met… I began having strange dreams,” they said, “A shattered glimpse of what always felt like someone else’s life. But, now I understand that perhaps.... those were not just dreams,”.

“You’ve had dreams… about us… together?”.

Bloodhound felt a small blush crawl over their cheeks as they looked down. “Já, though until tonight, I was not aware of who my significant other was. This was truly the first time I saw anything clearly… in such detail,”.

Elliott swallowed audibly, “Is… is it okay if I ask  _ what _ you drempt about? What… what did you see that scared you so much?”.

There was another long pause that settled between them before the hunter spoke again.

“We were saying goodbye,” they said simply, “I- I was leaving… for a long time, I believe, somewhere far. Þú varst svo hræddur við að missa mig, elskan… I did not want to go, but I knew I had to. It was my  _ skylda _ , my duty,”.

In turn, the trickster was quiet for a long time, long enough that the silence quickly became uncomfortable, a thoughtful look stuck on his face when Bloodhound finally looked up at him again. “... Did such an event ever happen to us?” they asked.

Elliott didn’t reply, just sat still and stared at seemingly nothing.

The hunter gently reached out and placed their hand over his, watching as the man whimpered under their touch, tears almost immediately filling his eyes. 

“Elliott?”. 

“....that was the day of your deployment,” he finally said, failing to hold back a sob, “The last day I saw you alive,”.

They tightened their grip around the man’s hand, a small spike of fear rushing through their mind, “my… deployment?”.

The man nodded, dragging his free hand across his face in a lame attempt to dry the tears that continued to roll down his cheeks. “You… you were just supposed to build some relief settlements the next planet over and that’s it, you were supposed to be  _ safe… _ y- you promised me you’d be safe,”.

Bloodhound felt their heart clench in their chest upon hearing how  _ distraught  _ Elliott still was over the tragedy that took them away from each other. 

“You died… I saw you, all of you, my friends… my brothers, my  _ lover, _ I  _ watched _ it happen, you’re supposed to be dead. B- but you’re sitting right here next to me,  _ alive _ …. you’re dead but you’re still alive,”.

The hunter couldn’t stop the tears that filled their eyes as they leaned in and wrapped their arms around the crying man, hoping to provide the comfort he so desperately needed. “Shh, shh… þú ert fínn núna, elskan mín. Ég er hér, ég er heima núna ... þú þarft ekki að vera hræddur lengur,” They whispered, holding him tightly against their body, “I’m home, my love... you will not lose me again. I swear until I draw my last breath, nothing will part us,”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's a playlist of all the sad songs I listened to whilst writing this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0BpOEmPWZEN2ITVi7vN7vP


End file.
